challenging the habit of discontentment

friends, it's been far too long. april tends to be one of the craziest times of year for me (see this post from last april and this post from last june, the two times i was able to catch up on writing in a span of about three months). this april has proven to be just as chaotic--my parents went to israel, we scored red sox tickets during the week of fenway's 100-year anniversary, we ran our first 5k of the year (just as i was recovering from tendonitis and bursitis in my hip, and tendonitis in my achilles), josh got a horrible case of poison ivy ev.er.y.where, wonderful friends came to visit, we celebrated eight whole months of marriage, and, oh, i led 120 17-year olds on an eight-hour tour of boston the day before marathon monday (can we say chaos again?!). in need of some rest, i took today off to be home and slow down.

i recently came across this print online and it's been in the back of my mind for a few days (dorky moment of truth: it's been in front of my face for a few days--i wrote it on a post-it note and stuck it to the bathroom mirror.):

i don't particularly love the design on this print, but i love the meaning behind this simple statement.  live more from intention and less from habit. 

i have a (bad) habit of discontentment. and friends, if we're all honest with ourselves, i think many of you may say the same. i'm continually tempted by the next step. where will i go next in my career? when will we move into a new place, or buy a house? when should we get a dog? when will we make more money and "arrive?"  the cultures that we live in only reinforces the drive to the next step in life, telling us that we are valuable only once we reach a certain point.

i've been wrestling with this notion for a while and back in november, i wrote as one of my resolutions, "be intentional about investing in the here and now, take advantage of moments to talk with complete strangers, and be a part of where we live."  then after visiting a good friend in january, i reflected on my resolutions, "once again inspired to keep at this one. i'm realizing that this takes lots of patience, time, and perseverance." fast forward a few months to mid-april and i'll say again, it certainly does take perseverance to kick old habits.

in our small group, we recently wrapped up a study on philippians, with the last meeting focusing on the famous verse, "i can do all this through him who gives me strength" (4:13 niv). too often, this verse is misconstrued and used out of context. we refer to this verse when we're about to face a tough task, confront someone, endure a tough workout. and the truth is that christ can help us through each of those things, but i think that when paul wrote this from his prison cell, he meant something so much more.  if we back up, we can see a bit more context when he writes, "...i have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. i know what it is to be in need, and i know what it is to have plenty. i have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. i can do all this through him who gives me strength" (philippians 4:11b-13 niv). paul is writing about the strength to be content, which is a deeper and far more challenging task than manning up for a tough task or confrontation. in fact, some translations of philippians 4:13 refer to this contentedness as completeness. the strength to be complete in christ, to recognize that he has the capacity to fill any and every hole in our lives and to carry us through any and every situation.

as a sinner living in a fallen world, kicking the habit of discontentment is hard and, at times when the world screams that we are incomplete without that next step or thing, seemingly impossible. but knowing that i have been made complete in christ and that i do not need anything more to gain his approval gives me the freedom to live intentionally, to be more present in the place that he has brought me to, and less indebted to the trenches of  bad habit.